It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize