so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
