I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
