i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
