eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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