If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
