Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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