Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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