I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize