So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
