im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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