at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
