Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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