She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
