I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
