she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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