Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
