Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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