piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
