if i died would you start the facebook group?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
