Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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