Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
