You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
