I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
