question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
