when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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