No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
