i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
