I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
