if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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