my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
