I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize