How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
