The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
