I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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