I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize