This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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