It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
