I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
