And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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