You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
