Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize