Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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