38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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