I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
