So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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