No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
