Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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