Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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