its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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