so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
