I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
