ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
and i looked up. we had an audience...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I think I sprained my soul last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
