apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
