do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
