everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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