You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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