Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
