Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
