New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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