OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
