Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
