I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
