SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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