Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
