just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
