I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Terrible idea I love it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
