After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
