My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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