We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
