This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
