Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
