Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to have your abortion
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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