it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
