med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
