shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
