He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
