I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize