I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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