Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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