You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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