So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
āOn a breakā is implied when itās a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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