I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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