Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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